Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life — my wedding day.
But instead, I’m writing this with a heavy heart because the marriage was called off… three weeks ago… over something I still cannot believe.
What was my offense?
I called my husband-to-be’s 11-year-old niece, Temilade, by her name. That’s it.
I’m 29 years old, a Master’s degree holder, and Temilade is just preparing for her common entrance exams. I simply asked her to help me zip down my dress. Out of nowhere, my mother-in-law said I was rude and that I should not call her “Temilade” but “Aunty Temilade.”
Confused, I respectfully asked what I did wrong. She insisted Temilade is my “small mother-in-law” and must be addressed as Aunty. I was stunned.
A few minutes later, another niece came by, 15 years old. I greeted her in Yoruba with respect, but because I used “O” instead of “E” in the greeting, my mother-in-law shouted again that I was disrespectful. She declared that from the 2-year-old to the eldest in the family, I must call them Uncle, Brother, or Aunty.
I told her calmly that while I’m very respectful, I cannot pretend. I am the first child in my family with four younger siblings — the youngest is 21, older than these “nieces.” How can I, with all sincerity, call children 15–18 years younger than me Aunty or Uncle?
She said if I can’t accept it, I should forget the marriage. My fiancé arrived, and instead of defending me, he agreed with her. He said my “pride” was killing me. Pride? For refusing to address kids as Aunty?
At that moment, I knew I couldn’t force myself into a lifetime of humiliation and pretense. My mother-in-law called the head of the family and canceled the wedding. My fiancé blocked me everywhere and moved on without hesitation.
Yes, it hurts deeply. I have treated my mother-in-law with respect and kindness, but this was a line I could not cross. Respect must go both ways, and I cannot accept being reduced to less than myself to please anyone.
This is 2025. I have worked hard for who I am — a Master’s graduate, a successful business owner, financially independent, skilled, and responsible. I will not be subjected to calling children “Aunty” just because of tradition or control.
I may be single again, but I am not broken. I will heal, I will keep hustling, and I will find love that values me for who I am.
So, if you are reading this, please don’t pity me. Pray for me, wish me well, and know that sometimes God saves us from battles we do not see ahead.
Signed,
Adefemi Taiwo Damilola Adeyeri Opeyemi Damilola Taiwo
